Anyone who knows me very well knows that
my mind can travel to so many places in a matter of moments. Not that
there isn't direction to these thoughts, but they do seem like random tangents
to people. Mind traveling though is quite possibly one of my favorite
things to do. I love to travel to different lands and places that I have
never been to and I just imagine what it would be like to actually be there.
I also enjoy thinking about things that are too strange to mention for
fear that the person that I wish to discuss them with would either have no clue
as to what I am talking about or they wouldn't see the importance of the
subject that has kept my mind so captivated. Right now I want to do
something that I have never done before. I want to write down what has
been on my mind lately and let the world take a peek into my mind. Anyone
who is brave enough may dare keep reading further.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about
change and what it has meant to me thus far in my life. Before my mission
I dreaded to even think the word "change" and I think God knew that
all too well. I think God has it in His mind that anything that causes anyone
discomfort He must insure that that person endures it. When I got the
answer that I needed to serve a mission I was so sure that it was what I needed
to do. I remember calling my dad to tell him my news. He was the
first one to hear about it and when I told him he was so excited. I
remember him telling me that when I got home I would go straight to the
doctors, get my physicals, and see the dentist immediately. When he said
"dentist" my mind immediately shut off and I immediately began to
doubt if it was absolutely necessary for me to go on a mission. Needless
to say though, I did everything that I needed to do to prepare for my mission
when I came home from school. I will admit though that I did drag my
feet. I didn't want to go because it made me uncomfortable and I knew
that this would change my life in ways that I didn't even then comprehend.
As we all know, I went on my mission and I went at the perfect time.
On my mission we referred to transfers as
"cambios", or "changes". I had many of them and each
one made me uncomfortable and unsure of what was going on. Eventually
though I got somewhat used to the seemingly constant transfers, but the Lord
still made sure that I wasn't completely comfortable for too long. Once I
felt like I got used to everything I finished my mission and was sent home.
That was perhaps one of the most uncomfortable changes I have ever had to
endure. It was my biggest cambio and I wondered if I would ever get used
to being home among such strange and foreign people. Yes, it is strange
to think that Americans, my own people, would seem more foreign to me than the
people of Chile.
After more than a year and a half of being
home I still think about the many transfers I went through on my mission and I
can't help but be grateful for them. "Changes" or
"cambios" were so hard because I didn't know anyone and I was
expected to get along with my companion that I didn't know at all. I was
guaranteed six weeks with her and in the area but anything more than that was
uncertain. I trained myself not to get too close because who knew how
long it would last? I became a robot that didn't feel anything but just
went through the motions.
I went on to train an incredible missionary
and was so stressed out and worried that I forgot how to feel. I didn't
get to finish her training and was "changed" to be in a trio that
would change my entire mission. Those two women taught me how to me a
missionary and how to feel again. The mission wasn't about going through
the motions but to feel with everything that I am.
"There are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings." -
Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I became a missionary and not just a robot. The
Savior did that for me and I am forever grateful for that change that happened
in my life. He filled me with His love and I don't know where I'd be
without it.
In essence, change is a wonderful thing.
It is inescapable, inevitable, and remarkable. It is very difficult
to change and it is extremely uncomfortable at times, but it is necessary if we
want to become the beings that God always intended us to be. We didn't
come here to be robots and just go through the motions, checking off
commandments that we have accomplished and move on. We have to give our
hearts, our everything to the Lord and then He will fill it. C.S. Lewis
said it perfectly when he said, “Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want
so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want
You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it.
No half-measures are any good... Hand over the whole natural self,
all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked -
the whole outfit. I will give you anew self instead. In fact, I
will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours."
I think part of the trick to life is
allowing change to actually occur rather than fight against it. Perhaps
the new change in your life will bring you sadness and pain...or it could bring
you happiness and joy beyond anything you could have imagined before. I
think it depends on your attitude and perspective. Of course you will
endure pain, but you will also experience joy and happiness. What will
you focus on? That is all up to you.
There you go, a peek into my brain and my
thought process. I hope it was somewhat enjoyable though a bit long
winded. All I have to say is this: keep changing. God never
intended us to stay the same but exhorted us to "become new
creatures"(Mosiah 27:26) and to "offer [our] whole souls as an
offering unto him..." (Omni 1:26). I know that if we trust in the
Lord and rely on Him, everything will work out as it should. He will help
us change into the person we always wanted to be and who He always intended us
to become.
